Fearless

Fearless

 

…For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 

-2 Timothy 1:7

 

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

-Matthew 28:20

 

If I am being honest, I have been putting off writing this blog post. It’s not that I dislike writing or I’m not incredibly excited to share my experience with you, but I simply didn’t think I could do justice to what I witnessed in Haiti. It was truly a God-ordained and blessed experience I am not likely to forget for the rest of my life, and I do not say this lightly. Despite my limited capabilities, I’m praying God will use this testimony to encourage someone who, like me, might be interested in pursuing a mission trip or feel as if God is calling them to go but don’t really know if they are ready to make that leap. I was in the same position only a few months ago while I considered my motivations for wanting to go on a mission. I actually backed out of the first trip to Haiti I signed up for this past May. I could blame my reluctance on the timing or on my protective parents for swaying my decision to cancel, but it was primarily due to my own fears and doubts. I doubted I would raise enough money. I doubted my ability to handle the foreign conditions in Haiti and the lack of comforts, which I was so accustomed to in the United States. I doubted whether God was really calling me to go or if it was more of an adventurous whim on my part. I feared what I would see—people living in extreme poverty and crying out for help I couldn’t give them. I mostly feared my own incompetence to do or say the right thing when the time came. Thankfully, the Lord did not relent until I committed to go. Shortly after submitting my deposit, He put all my fears to rest and provided the means and confirmation I needed. So great is His faithfulness. I can’t say whether this is how He always works, but God did not confirm I was supposed to go to Haiti until after I made my decision to apply for the trip. Applying and submitting my deposit were entirely acts of faith and a large step for me in the pursuit of boldness and obedience in Christ. There were people in my life who were against my decision and made it known. I’m not the kind of person to make a choice without first weighing all my options, but as much as I meditated on the possibilities, I could not escape my gut feeling—that God was urging me to trust Him and obey the still small voice saying, “Take a chance and see how I will amaze you with My unwavering steadfastness.” And so in prayer, I took the advice of a wise friend and waited to see if God would provide the funds. In less than a month, most of the money needed poured in and I was feeling overwhelmed with gratitude. I didn’t see it at the time but God was teaching me to have confidence in Him. Now, I can look back and see God was promising me greater intimacy with Himself and such beautiful revelations that come along with following His will. To think of all I would have missed because of my fear!

 

God surpassed all my expectations in Haiti. It’s difficult to pinpoint my favorite part of the trip or focus on only one aspect during my time there. I hoped

and prayed God would lead us to grow close as a team; He definitely delivered, as I was surrounded by some of the most selfless, passionate, and God-loving people I have ever encountered. We became a family in the short week we spent together. I delighted in witnessing how my team would love and serve one another daily: sharing their clothes, washing each other’s dishes, and preparing lunches. In a deeper way, no one would hesitate to help in offering their gifts, listening to one another’s struggles, or sharing how God was speaking to them. I also greatly enjoyed going on prayer walks with my team through the village. I did not expect to see such joy and contentment in so many faces of the Haitians we met. Many families already knew Christ and poured into us more than we could have imagined. I remember one man who became so happy and animated when we told him we were missionaries that he began preaching to us about the good work we were doing and how Jesus is coming for his bride very soon. Others who weren’t believers were just as welcoming and hospitable—inviting us into their homes and answering any questions we had upon meeting for the first time. It was in these periods God answered my prayers and helped me to be confident in His sovereignty. I was able to pray aloud for people and share my testimony with a newfound energy and boldness I had not come across before this trip. Additionally, I did not expect how quickly I would fall in love with the kids at the local children’s home or the Vacation Bible School we helped to host. These children would rush to your side instantly and hold your hand, as if you were the most interesting person in the world. They would light up at the sight of something as basic as stickers or candy. The child who played with me for a few minutes would remember me in the next days and rush up to say hello. Their childlike faith and gladness brought tears to my eyes. I can honestly go on for pages about what I saw and felt in Haiti and how this transformed my beliefs. Each passing day was somehow better and more special than the previous. As I reflect upon my time in Haiti, I am overcome by God’s goodness and grace. He knew exactly what I’d experience in that beautiful country as well as the joy and excitement that would fill me up in the days to follow.

 I can describe in detail the adventure that may await you; however, you will not completely understand unless you step out in faith and go. He has many glorious things in store for His children, especially those who are willing to be His mouth, hands, and feet. And how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news! –Romans 10:15